Sept. 15, 2026
Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People w/Jamie Estelle Roth
Why do bad things happen to good people? It’s one of those questions almost all of us ask when life suddenly takes a turn we never expected.
In this episode of Dial Up Intuition, I’m joined by author and podcast host Jamie Estelle Roth, whose life changed dramatically when she began losing her eyesight. But as her physical vision began to change, something unexpected was happening too—Jamie experienced a spiritual awakening and an expansion of her intuitive abilities.
Together, we explore what can happen when life forces us onto a path we never would have chosen. Can something good emerge from our most difficult experiences? Is there purpose hidden within adversity? And why are we here experiencing these lives in the first place?
Jamie shares what her journey has taught her about surrender, acceptance, resilience, humor, love, and learning to trust what unfolds—even when it looks nothing like the life we had planned.
It’s a heartfelt conversation about finding meaning in the unexpected, discovering gifts we never knew we had, and perhaps seeing life in an entirely new way.
WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_01]: Why do bad things happen to good people?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And what if the hardest thing that you've ever faced changes you in ways you never could have imagined?
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[SPEAKER_01]: In this episode, I'm joined by Jania Stelroth, whose life took an unexpected turn when she began losing her eyesight.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Along the way, she also discovered an expansion of her intuitive abilities and a deeper connection to herself, her spirituality,
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[SPEAKER_01]: We talk about surrender, acceptance, humor, love, and what can happen when life forces us on to half?
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[SPEAKER_01]: We never would have chosen for our ourselves.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, just a quick thought.
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[SPEAKER_01]: New book is out.
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[SPEAKER_01]: A most beautiful life is now available in paperback and in ebook format at Amazon.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's a story about my catastrophic brain hemorrhage in 2010, my near-death experience, and how you can learn with me the path I took to intuition and purpose.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Dial Up Intuition, a podcast that invites you to awaken and expand your intuition.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host Kat Sanders.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was a radio and television broadcaster before a massive brain hemorrhage caused me to flatline.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That life-changing event led to a beautiful near-death experience, and when I came back, I returned with some profound truths and the ability to connect with the other side.
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[SPEAKER_01]: In this podcast we'll explore these truths and learn how to strengthen your intuition and intuitive gifts.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You'll hear conversations with remarkable intuitives who share how their gifts came alive evolved and became part of their daily lives.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So whether you're just beginning your intuitive journey or you're ready to go deeper, this is your space to be inspired, guided, and reminded that your intuitive gift was always within you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So let's begin and dial up our intuition together.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Jamie Estelrock is an author podcast host and inspirational speaker whose life took an unexpected turn in her 50s when just as her deeper calling was coming into focus she began losing her eyesight and what followed was a profound spiritual awakening and transformational journey that taught Jamie about acceptance surrender resilience.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and finding a purpose in the midst of circumstances that we never would have chosen for ourselves.
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[SPEAKER_01]: She shares that journey in her debut book, should have seen that coming, and continues exploring spirituality, intuition, and life's bigger questions as the host of her podcast, my higher self-hask questions.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Today, Jamie shares her message of hope with others and with my listeners.
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[SPEAKER_01]: encouraging people to discover meaning and purpose, even during life's most difficult chapters.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's what we're going to talk about today.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So Jamie, I am so happy to have you here.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, Kat.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited to be sitting across from you via virtualisming.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, let's get right into it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Your life is just ched in a long, everything's going great.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And all of a sudden, everything changes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so in 2021, April of 2021, I had just returned home from helping my middle child move out of his dorms in Colorado, and I woke up the next morning after returning, and I had a dark spot in my left eye.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I instinctively knew something was wrong, but I also was afraid to even address it, because
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[SPEAKER_00]: I tended to push down any instincts that came through because of fear.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But this time, I actually did something about it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I reached out to my optometrist and they immediately told me to call them up theologist, which I did.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I got in that day and no one could see the dark spot, by the way, it was just me and I thought it might be a rogue contact.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I didn't think anything of it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And then I went to my appointment and the doctor told the tests and then sat back in
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you're going to have to clear your schedule for the next few days because you could have cancer, a tumor, MS, optic neuritis, or non-artural ischemic optic neuropathy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The last two were foreign languages to me and the first three were a death sentence.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was in shock and was by myself and I asked him because humor is my coping mechanism.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I said, so it's not a rogue contact, you sure.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He was like, yeah, no.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So subsequently after that, I left there and waited to get my MRI, which happened a week later.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And they ruled out MSN cancer in a tumor, but the other two, the optic neuritis, or
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[SPEAKER_00]: the NAIO win, which is not an arterialischemic optic neuropathy, very big word.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They didn't roll those out.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So then I saw a couple other doctors because this ophthalmologist couldn't help me.
05:21.229 --> 05:33.294
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I was being kind of shuffled from doctor to doctor, I had had had a flare-up of diverticulitis during actually right before I had the spot show up.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And then I wouldn't saw a neurologist locally to get some help and find out what might be going on with my optic nerves, which were inflamed both of them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: No one could explain to me why or how.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And my left eye where the spot was actually that spot grew from the size of a corn kernel to encompassing my entire eyeball over a period of a month and a half.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So by the end of May, my eye was completely dark on the left side.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My right eye was fine.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The doctor gave me a really high-quick dose of steroids, which they give people who have inflammation in the optic nerve.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I had 3,000 milligrams of steroids, and I was, I had a lot of energy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And then I, you know, nothing really happened.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was still inflamed.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I ended up getting another flare up of diverticulitis.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I, I count that to the, the steroids in my body, plus my body was weak.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I went to Stanford three weeks later and they did test as well and the actual up the neurologist that I spoke with that I saw.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She says to me just very bluntly, your left eye is done.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Now we need to save your right eye.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I had an out of body experience and was floating over my body and looking down just saying, are you kidding me?
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[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't real.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was thriving.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was a real estate agent.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was trying to help new buyers by a house.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I can't do this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So she then had me go to the hospital after doing some tests and found out that the vessels in my eye were leaking.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so they needed to stop the leaking, which they eventually did.
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[SPEAKER_00]: While I was in the hospital, my right eye started to show some signs of failure, but nothing significant that got me to nervous or them to nervous.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I went home.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and they did give me 3,000 milligrams of steroids as well.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I did.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I had 6,000 milligrams of steroids through, you know, flowing through my system within a matter of three weeks.
07:49.232 --> 07:50.912
[SPEAKER_00]: And I went home.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I knew something was going to happen.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I literally studied my children's faces.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I had two kids in college and one in middle school, the time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The day that I got my new buyer into escrow, I knew I was having another flare-up of dieticolitis.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And at the same time, my left eye was dark, and I was like, totally content with just having one eye to work with in life, because I could not, I couldn't surrender to what was happening.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was too devastating for me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And nothing that my brain could process.
08:25.493 --> 08:32.039
[SPEAKER_00]: So I knew I was having another flare-up of diverticulitis, turns out I had a perforated colon.
08:32.940 --> 08:38.922
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also had a vaginal fissula from the diverticulitis, which I didn't realize you could get.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I was in the ER and I thought I was going to have to have surgery on my colon and get a cost to me back, which thankfully I did not.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I got a drain instead.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But unfortunately, as I was in the ER waiting for them to help me and fix my eyesight and my gut, my right eye started to fail.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Whereas the left eye was like a bucket of dirty water had filled my eye, the right eye, it was like a shade was coming down.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I couldn't see above your forehead.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I went to, I ended up going back up to Stanford because it was the right place for me to be.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was there a week.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My optic nerve was still in play, but not as much as it was before.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was given the every kind of drug who can imagine to help.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They could not figure out what happened or why this happened.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't meet any of the criteria.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was sent home after five days.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And again, Kim Holmes studied my children's faces because I knew instinctively, my life was completely changing.
09:39.151 --> 09:40.312
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't want to accept it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But I was preparing, I guess, for it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: In my spirit was preparing for it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Three days later, I had what they call visual field loss.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like I'm looking through a dirty window during a snowstorm.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And since then, that's kind of what my eyesight has been like.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was really fast and took three months for me to go from being able to see clearly and do all the things to being completely dependent on everybody for what I needed to do at the time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So you pretty much felt like you were completely under attack.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure, because everything was great.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You're at the top of your game.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Your kids are going off to college.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You're just learning how to be a couple again.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure, you know, so life is really great.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And all of a sudden, you get hit with everything all at once.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I cite,
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[SPEAKER_01]: This diverticculosis, the steroids are affecting you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Not wham, wham, double wham.
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[SPEAKER_01]: How are you taking it emotionally at this point?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, do you feel like, God, where are you?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Or what did I do wrong?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Or, emotionally, how are you dealing with it at that point?
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[SPEAKER_00]: All of those things, I was angry, I was scared, I was frustrated, I was so sad, I was mystified that how this could happen to me, I thought I had done everything right and I was trying to go back in my memory to say what did I do wrong to make this happen?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And,
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[SPEAKER_00]: I had moments where I did interestingly enough, I didn't lay in bed and curl up in a ball and cry every day.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I would usually cry in the shower, and I would cry to my husband periodically, but I tried to keep my spirits up as much as I could because I didn't want my kids to see me sad.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to give them that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: that like vision of me not being strong enough to handle this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That was never who I was and I was always one who could persevere and my whole motto in life was adapt and overcome.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I grew up with a single mom, my sister and I and you know we were we had to survive quite a bit and that was just how I did it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I had
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[SPEAKER_00]: a lot of situational awareness and ability to move forward, but I wasn't being true to myself and allowing myself to have the emotions that needed to come out.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And when they did, it was a lot.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was hard.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I cried.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My husband went to go get coffee for the first time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was home by myself.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was so afraid I would run into stuff because I really couldn't see a lot of the things that were in my way.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I sat on our coffee table in our living room and my dog like hung a near me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And knew something was wrong.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so he stuck by me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I just sat there and cried and I called my husband in a panic.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh my God.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how to do this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So it was it was hard.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was really hard at first.
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[SPEAKER_00]: so I was kind of by myself.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was crazy, but I did it, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: You do it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You do it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You do it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we have so many of us questions.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, why do bad things happen to good people?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I believe, you know, they do happen to good people.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my brain exploded.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I and I was at the top of my game.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was 49 years old.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean,
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[SPEAKER_01]: bad things do happen to good people all the time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I also believe that we're kind of here on this planet, you know, our souls are put into these little temporary bodies so that we can learn and experience and part of that experience is bad things too, you know, but.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's how we deal with it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So how did you, and you, I know you're still going through it, how did you deal with it?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I,
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[SPEAKER_00]: I had some really great, well, my family, first of all, they were amazing in reminding me that I'm here.
14:10.361 --> 14:16.082
[SPEAKER_00]: My daughter would say to me often, I know you can't see us as well, Mom, but remember you're here, you're alive.
14:16.102 --> 14:22.644
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I had sexists, I was going down the wrong path, you know, and not gonna come back.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so that strength within my family was huge for me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I have a great support team with friends around me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: although those things are always a given hopefully for people and I love to that for myself.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I unintentionally or maybe intentionally dug deep to find other ways to help myself.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I would listen to audiobooks that would pop up on, I would ask, I call her Odessa because if I say her name, she will ask me what I need.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So, it's actually, yes, so, but she would give me recommendations for books about healing or whatnot, because I realized with Western medicine, the doctor's is Stanford and the local hospital here saved my life and I'm very grateful.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But once they did that, they were kind of like,
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[SPEAKER_00]: have fun, like you're blind by, and not in that way, but just, you know, and so I was in search of others that could help me heal, who could fix me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I turned to Eastern medicine, energy healing, that kind of thing, and got connected with an acupuncturist and a cranial
15:35.455 --> 15:45.142
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to psychics and mediums and every single one, I wanted them to take me and put their hands on me and heal me, get my sight back.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And the whole time, I realized, well, I didn't realize it's time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But I was being shown that I could do it myself.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so through,
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[SPEAKER_00]: songs on my Spotify playlist that would come through to remind me like you're not in this alone, you can do it by yourself but you also have support and we're here for you and it would usually be from my guides and my angels through music and
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[SPEAKER_00]: So eventually, I started to listen more to that message from that medium of conversation with my guides and angels and also through friends or family or practitioners that were helping me to see what I needed to see to help heal myself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We're never so, are we?
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[SPEAKER_00]: No, we don't.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Even your dog knew, your dog, your angels, your guides
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we go through these difficult things, but then we find out that there are so many great souls and and we find out how many or how well we are connected to everything.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I did have an experience and I actually write about it in my book because it was so profound.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was invited by my really good friend.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She was actually my therapist to and to this she called it a rose ceremony.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And it was a gathering of women.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They were like 12 women there and I knew maybe two.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But I was just so happy to be there.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't matter.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was invited to the cool girls hang out.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was so excited and there was a woman who was going to be speaking and she had written a book about Oh God I forget it's called Rose Girl by Holly Payne and so she was there to speak about her book and again I was just happy to be there
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[SPEAKER_00]: And at the end of the, oh, and I was able to kind of share with everybody what I was seeing in my visual field, because I was seeing some some stuff that I couldn't explain outright, like I had visions of eyes coming into my visual field and all kinds of other stuff.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I shared with these women and they did not put me, they did not think I was crazy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They embraced it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They, they, you know, like, yes, no, you're seeing this that the other, right?
18:09.101 --> 18:13.724
[SPEAKER_00]: And so at the end, my friend had a sound bowl and she played a little bit.
18:13.804 --> 18:17.485
[SPEAKER_00]: And then she had everybody put Rosoyle on their fingers.
18:18.006 --> 18:20.707
[SPEAKER_00]: And she said, I want you to enlight the woman to your left.
18:21.187 --> 18:26.350
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're going to know it on her heart chakra, her third eye chakra and her crown chakra.
18:26.970 --> 18:31.413
[SPEAKER_00]: And the whole time I think you do myself, I'm going to poke her eye out and touch your boob.
18:32.354 --> 18:34.235
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't see what I'm doing.
18:34.676 --> 18:35.797
[SPEAKER_00]: But I thought, okay, it's okay.
18:35.817 --> 18:36.598
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to figure it out.
18:36.738 --> 18:37.458
[SPEAKER_00]: It's totally fine.
18:37.859 --> 18:48.929
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the woman to my right got in front of me before I could do anything to the woman on my left and she knelt in front of me and she asked, can I place my hands over your eyes?
18:49.710 --> 18:51.091
[SPEAKER_00]: And I instinctively said, yes.
18:51.632 --> 18:52.553
[SPEAKER_00]: And so she did.
18:52.573 --> 18:52.693
[SPEAKER_00]: And we
18:54.334 --> 19:02.240
[SPEAKER_00]: she had sat in there for maybe like 20 seconds and she took her hands off and the whole time I was there I didn't cry which was out of permanent grant on my face.
19:03.000 --> 19:04.982
[SPEAKER_00]: She took her hands off and I lost it.
19:05.202 --> 19:06.042
[SPEAKER_00]: I sobbed.
19:06.162 --> 19:15.729
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like a damn had opened at burst and I was allowed to truly, truly let go and it was beautiful.
19:16.269 --> 19:18.411
[SPEAKER_00]: And so ironically enough I
19:20.152 --> 19:41.937
[SPEAKER_00]: five months later, I had a reading with a gentleman, his name is John Newton, and he did an ancestral clearing with me, and we talked about the eyes, and he said, you know, when you have issues with your eyes, it means you're, you've seen something you don't want to see, you've had trauma, you've been forced to watch something, and so we went through this whole process.
19:42.697 --> 19:53.340
[SPEAKER_00]: And at the end, I felt so much better, but you know, still my eyesight wasn't cleared, whatever, but then at the end he said, do you have a few minutes left because I have extra time and I said, yeah, of course.
19:54.000 --> 19:55.921
[SPEAKER_00]: And he goes, you believe in God, right?
19:56.021 --> 19:59.782
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, yes, I believe there's a God, cone source, light, whatever.
20:00.702 --> 20:02.622
[SPEAKER_00]: And he said, you believe Jesus is real.
20:02.662 --> 20:04.303
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said, yes, I believe Jesus is real.
20:04.323 --> 20:11.884
[SPEAKER_00]: And he goes, OK, he goes, I want you to visualize yourself standing on this hill of grass, which is in part of the exercise we did.
20:12.425 --> 20:19.206
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want you to imagine yourself as that 14-year-old girl and standing in front of you is, or kneeling in front of you is Jesus.
20:19.806 --> 20:21.807
[SPEAKER_00]: And he's placing his hands over your eyes.
20:22.487 --> 20:24.447
[SPEAKER_00]: And behind you is Mother Mary.
20:24.927 --> 20:27.388
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's always reminding you that she has your back.
20:28.148 --> 20:36.153
[SPEAKER_00]: And in that moment, I could feel physically feel her robe that she was wearing, the texture, the weight.
20:36.913 --> 20:37.634
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew the color.
20:37.654 --> 20:41.256
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like a brown and it was beautiful.
20:41.796 --> 20:50.241
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think back to the Rose ceremony and the woman kneeling in front of me, and she was doing what Jesus was doing.
20:50.962 --> 20:51.902
[SPEAKER_00]: So having that
20:53.339 --> 21:03.567
[SPEAKER_00]: visual in my mind and in my body helped me heal as well in the sense that I knew I wasn't alone and that there's a purpose to all of this.
21:04.588 --> 21:05.829
[SPEAKER_01]: That's beautiful.
21:06.690 --> 21:07.571
[SPEAKER_00]: That is beautiful.
21:07.911 --> 21:17.318
[SPEAKER_01]: Here is a purpose to everything even though when we're here on this planet in this very egocentric, you know, life,
21:19.577 --> 21:46.970
[SPEAKER_01]: It really is hard to see it and it's so beautiful when you can see it, you know for me, I'm having this beautiful day in this life that seems pretty good, pretty perfect exactly the way I had planned it and all the sudden boom feels like a knife in my head, all of a sudden I wake up from this coma after brain surgery and I can't speak sentences, I can't walk
21:47.741 --> 22:13.640
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't think straight and I have to start my life over again from like being a toddler, learning everything from scratch, you know, how to put my hand in my mouth and I can't do nearly half the, almost none of the things that I used to do before, thinking about managing a big office with hundreds of people in it and, you know, being a big, you know,
22:17.350 --> 22:22.271
[SPEAKER_01]: doing all of those things that I did and making big money and I lost everything finance.
22:22.351 --> 22:33.753
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, every 100s and hundreds of thousands of dollars that I had saved up over all of my career for my retirement and I think about that and you'd think, I'm so angry.
22:33.773 --> 22:45.955
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but really it was the most beautiful experience of my life because of my new death experience and I am so happy and proud
22:47.323 --> 22:49.664
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just I'm so glad that it happened.
22:50.204 --> 22:51.204
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:51.224 --> 22:53.065
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would that be true?
22:53.085 --> 22:53.545
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
22:54.145 --> 22:55.525
[SPEAKER_01]: That was crazy.
22:55.745 --> 22:56.106
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
22:56.226 --> 22:56.786
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm nuts.
22:56.866 --> 22:57.166
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
22:57.446 --> 22:58.146
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm nuts.
22:58.706 --> 22:58.906
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:59.707 --> 23:00.567
[SPEAKER_01]: I am nuts.
23:00.907 --> 23:06.869
[SPEAKER_01]: So glad that it happened because I see life in such a better way.
23:07.049 --> 23:09.049
[SPEAKER_01]: I am living a much better
23:13.842 --> 23:41.398
[SPEAKER_01]: for sure are more for a go life I have the 4400 square foot home I don't have the beautiful lake view I don't have the big expensive car and all that money to rely on for my return I don't care as I have the knowledge and the freedom of knowing that I do not fear death
23:42.113 --> 23:44.875
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm kind of looking forward to it not right.
23:45.296 --> 23:46.377
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not anxious.
23:46.837 --> 23:47.658
[SPEAKER_01]: I want every day.
23:47.738 --> 23:58.167
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm given here to experience this body and this world, but my I'm so happy that it happened, but my daughter sets yeah right.
23:58.187 --> 23:59.788
[SPEAKER_01]: And like my daughter said you're here.
24:00.188 --> 24:00.789
[SPEAKER_01]: You're here.
24:01.149 --> 24:01.710
[SPEAKER_01]: You're here.
24:02.050 --> 24:02.310
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
24:02.490 --> 24:04.272
[SPEAKER_01]: And I look at what's happening to you.
24:04.872 --> 24:07.535
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just say, I am so sorry.
24:07.555 --> 24:10.177
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, this is happening to you and yet.
24:11.098 --> 24:18.626
[SPEAKER_01]: This is such an experience for you to be able to say, okay, now you're more in touch.
24:19.567 --> 24:30.338
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but these other things around you because they've taken that part of it away so that you're more focused on the other senses the intuitiveness.
24:31.375 --> 24:31.815
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
24:31.835 --> 24:35.016
[SPEAKER_00]: I never would have written a book about my experience.
24:35.437 --> 24:37.637
[SPEAKER_00]: I never would have had a podcast.
24:38.138 --> 24:43.200
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't have spoken in front of people without, you know, being so anxious.
24:43.260 --> 24:45.600
[SPEAKER_00]: I was super anxious before anything happened.
24:45.640 --> 24:50.963
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do think that, you know, people have asked me, you know, why do you think this happened to you?
24:50.983 --> 24:51.703
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like,
24:52.383 --> 24:54.725
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think it was always going to happen.
24:54.745 --> 25:07.855
[SPEAKER_00]: I was lucky enough to live 51 years doing what I needed to do and getting prepared knowingly to be here in this moment, even talking to you.
25:08.576 --> 25:12.319
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it was a perfect storm how it all hit.
25:12.719 --> 25:17.923
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had the COVID vaccine right before my first flare up of diverticulitis.
25:18.643 --> 25:21.766
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's a possibility that I had a reaction to that.
25:21.886 --> 25:26.388
[SPEAKER_00]: I had an autoimmune disease that I didn't know about, but isn't pertinent to my condition.
25:27.189 --> 25:31.011
[SPEAKER_00]: I was going through parameda pause.
25:31.131 --> 25:34.813
[SPEAKER_00]: I had had a hysterectomy a year before and going through menopause, actually.
25:35.473 --> 25:44.438
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had systemic inflammation throughout my body and I was not taking care of myself and my higher self and my spirit went, you know what?
25:44.458 --> 25:46.079
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that was a time.
25:46.179 --> 25:47.280
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's make it a little crazier.
25:47.940 --> 25:52.681
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's see so much your community handle because you're pretty pretty freaking strong.
25:53.462 --> 26:10.426
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're going to show you how strong you are and also to just share it with others so that when they go through hard times or struggles or really serious conditions maybe just maybe you'll be able to help them and then they'll be able to help themselves.
26:10.706 --> 26:10.986
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
26:11.727 --> 26:12.527
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't wish
26:13.579 --> 26:15.960
[SPEAKER_01]: anything bad to happen to anybody.
26:16.220 --> 26:18.561
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, you feel the same way.
26:18.581 --> 26:19.261
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no.
26:19.622 --> 26:19.962
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
26:20.382 --> 26:22.343
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that some of this stuff.
26:22.763 --> 26:23.863
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just my belief.
26:24.183 --> 26:25.444
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm certainly no expert.
26:25.864 --> 26:29.426
[SPEAKER_01]: I think some of this stuff is kind of pre ordained that it's going to happen.
26:29.706 --> 26:31.026
[SPEAKER_01]: We have free will, right?
26:31.527 --> 26:37.109
[SPEAKER_01]: Definitely have free will to make our own stupid mistakes and do some really great things too.
26:37.609 --> 26:39.510
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that some of the big stuff.
26:40.050 --> 27:06.742
[SPEAKER_01]: is kind of stuff that may be we signed up for when we were, you know, out there before we're born and said, hey, let's do something crazy and really it's a really dramatic or yes, I don't know why some of this stuff happens, but when we're up there in that unconditional beautiful love and we go, you know what, let's make this a really great role as to ride do something nutty, you know, why these things happen.
27:07.277 --> 27:21.717
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, when they do, if they do, how we react to them and what we do with that stuff is dramatic and you have done something amazing with something.
27:22.211 --> 27:22.812
[SPEAKER_01]: really crappy.
27:23.012 --> 27:24.975
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just say it sucks.
27:25.335 --> 27:26.056
[SPEAKER_01]: It's horrible.
27:26.076 --> 27:27.398
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be blind.
27:27.578 --> 27:28.419
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to see my kids.
27:28.439 --> 27:29.981
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to see your beautiful face clearly.
27:30.441 --> 27:35.748
[SPEAKER_00]: And yes, the human side of me goes, this is really crappy.
27:36.289 --> 27:38.091
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want it.
27:38.371 --> 27:40.734
[SPEAKER_00]: But the other side of me goes, but
27:41.455 --> 27:49.556
[SPEAKER_00]: look at how much you've gotten from this, so how much you learned and how much how much love is around you and how you can see it without seeing it.
27:50.217 --> 27:51.597
[SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't see before.
27:51.617 --> 27:54.217
[SPEAKER_00]: I was looking, I look at everything.
27:54.597 --> 27:55.477
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, look, there's that.
27:55.617 --> 27:56.538
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, look, there's this.
27:57.018 --> 27:59.718
[SPEAKER_00]: But I never, I don't think I truly saw people.
28:00.178 --> 28:08.640
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that happens a lot in our world because we're constantly looking for the next best thing, but we don't see it right in front of us.
28:10.079 --> 28:13.341
[SPEAKER_01]: But there's so much in the world that you would like to see.
28:14.462 --> 28:23.487
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so many people that are listening to this, watching this, that are saying, but how can you be happy about this?
28:23.747 --> 28:25.689
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there's a lot of it that you're not happy about.
28:25.729 --> 28:31.352
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of my life that I really wish I could rewind and say, I want that back.
28:31.652 --> 28:35.775
[SPEAKER_01]: And there are days when I get kind of angry,
28:39.698 --> 28:54.525
[SPEAKER_01]: That I mourn for, you know, but then I remember then I remember the beautiful gifts that came along with this awful brain explosion in my case and loss of sight for you.
28:54.545 --> 29:00.108
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you can turn your life back around and go, okay, this happened this sucks.
29:00.692 --> 29:06.154
[SPEAKER_01]: And even when it's something that says, okay, that means that my life is going to end at a certain time.
29:06.294 --> 29:09.235
[SPEAKER_01]: Some horrible diagnosis, some awful thing.
29:10.175 --> 29:18.078
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't see, and I know people are going to go, they're going to, they're going to write on my YouTube, you know, person for saying this.
29:18.518 --> 29:20.599
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't see death as a punishment.
29:21.318 --> 29:27.240
[SPEAKER_01]: because I was there at the brink of death and when they said, you need to go back, I went, oh, let me stay.
29:27.920 --> 29:29.301
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, of course.
29:29.361 --> 29:32.802
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's so phenomenal on the other side.
29:33.002 --> 29:37.904
[SPEAKER_01]: And yes, the people that are left behind will miss your physical body and all of that.
29:38.564 --> 29:41.766
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know that you're not disconnected when you go.
29:41.786 --> 29:43.686
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I was there.
29:44.947 --> 29:50.189
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you can take something devastating like what you've been through,
29:51.145 --> 29:56.952
[SPEAKER_01]: what I've been through, what other people go through, and make the best of it like you're doing.
29:57.513 --> 30:05.202
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, write a book about it, do a podcast about it, take it and become
30:05.971 --> 30:09.012
[SPEAKER_01]: more intuitive, more connected to the other side.
30:09.492 --> 30:12.533
[SPEAKER_01]: Your life does become more beautiful.
30:13.173 --> 30:13.473
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
30:13.993 --> 30:15.153
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have a question for you?
30:15.173 --> 30:21.875
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel like sometimes when people go through devastating things, right?
30:22.455 --> 30:26.436
[SPEAKER_00]: Blindness, cancer, you know, death in the family, whatever?
30:27.617 --> 30:38.785
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, there is the opportunity to do what you and I have done, which is adapt and overcome, and move forward and be present as much as possible.
30:38.865 --> 30:44.389
[SPEAKER_00]: But also see the emotions that come up and don't shove them down as much.
30:44.469 --> 30:45.850
[SPEAKER_00]: We allow them to come through.
30:46.551 --> 30:48.392
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's part of our healing process.
30:49.053 --> 30:53.296
[SPEAKER_00]: And what you're doing with your podcast and your book and you're speaking like all of those
30:56.798 --> 31:12.109
[SPEAKER_00]: Like other people that have journeys, like lessons for this human experience of their lifetime, maybe sometimes they have to go through the really hard, you know, suffering in order to to learn this life lesson.
31:12.850 --> 31:22.036
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if that sounds crazy or cynical, I don't mean it to be, but I'm just so curious about your thoughts on that.
31:22.737 --> 31:23.857
[SPEAKER_00]: I know, sorry, I'm interviewing you.
31:25.378 --> 31:28.960
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so sorry, it's true to the people on the way to you can edit that out.
31:29.020 --> 31:29.760
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so sorry.
31:30.040 --> 31:31.481
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to you.
31:31.581 --> 31:33.081
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a little podcast for you.
31:34.762 --> 31:36.983
[SPEAKER_00]: By higher self-esteem, I'm so many questions.
31:37.883 --> 31:38.583
[SPEAKER_01]: My candidate.
31:38.644 --> 31:49.828
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's a question that I don't exactly have the answer for, but my thoughts are that, yeah, we don't know why we go through these things.
31:50.565 --> 31:52.345
[SPEAKER_01]: in life.
31:52.365 --> 31:56.246
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have the answer until I'm on the other side, right?
31:56.586 --> 32:04.668
[SPEAKER_01]: But do we go these things because our soul needs to learn a lesson that we want to learn?
32:04.908 --> 32:12.690
[SPEAKER_01]: I do believe that, you know, when we're on the other side, we do have some choices as to when we come back, what we want to learn or whatever.
32:13.510 --> 32:15.691
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't believe that there's punishment.
32:17.191 --> 32:25.555
[SPEAKER_01]: I do believe every thing because when I was in my near death experience, there was no punishment, there were lessons to be learned.
32:25.655 --> 32:28.416
[SPEAKER_01]: There was, you know, here's your life review.
32:28.876 --> 32:31.598
[SPEAKER_01]: So I do believe we have life reviews to learn.
32:32.218 --> 32:41.522
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, this is what you, on the other, you know, when you're on earth, this is what you created by your, you know, free will decisions.
32:42.086 --> 32:50.434
[SPEAKER_01]: If, yeah, like this, this is the ripple that it caused and because you decided this, this was the ripple that that it created.
32:50.954 --> 32:58.080
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I want to create ripples that cause goodness and compassion and good things to happen.
32:58.641 --> 33:02.344
[SPEAKER_01]: And especially after what I experienced in my near death experience.
33:02.885 --> 33:05.207
[SPEAKER_01]: So I want to create those really good ripples.
33:05.972 --> 33:06.232
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
33:06.572 --> 33:17.974
[SPEAKER_00]: It's almost like you're, um, I've come to this realization recently that speaking to some that might struggle to get out of their own sorrow for whatever is happened, right?
33:18.074 --> 33:24.836
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever they're quote unquote blindness is, whether it's divorce, cancer, you know, job loss, whatever it is.
33:24.856 --> 33:29.177
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I just send them love, love and compassion.
33:29.837 --> 33:32.137
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, I think that
33:36.638 --> 33:50.584
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you and me, we're sharing our stories with others because maybe just maybe it will help someone see themselves in a different light and allow themselves to feel the feels but not wallowing it.
33:51.224 --> 33:57.466
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe that's part of the whole ripple effect of how we connect with each other.
33:57.486 --> 33:58.847
[SPEAKER_00]: That makes sense.
33:59.107 --> 33:59.507
[SPEAKER_01]: It does.
33:59.727 --> 34:05.429
[SPEAKER_01]: And maybe, you know, a soul has gone through their life review and said, wow, I wish I had done that differently.
34:05.549 --> 34:17.872
[SPEAKER_01]: And maybe they choose in the next life by their own choice that that would be all experience some of the, you know, negative things that, um, I created in a former life and maybe that'll make me understand.
34:18.292 --> 34:19.112
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want that.
34:19.413 --> 34:21.313
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not thinking, oh, that's your karma.
34:21.353 --> 34:22.353
[SPEAKER_01]: You're your punishment.
34:22.793 --> 34:23.934
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying that at all.
34:24.394 --> 34:25.574
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just suggesting
34:28.867 --> 34:34.848
[SPEAKER_01]: um, someone might be going through things, um, maybe it's because they just want to really feel things.
34:35.508 --> 34:43.950
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, you know, being on that perfect, beautiful, other side, you know, people say, well, why would you ever want to come to earth and experience it?
34:43.990 --> 34:51.472
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, because when you're on that beautiful other side, you know that this is just a blink of an eye down here, this life experience.
34:51.932 --> 34:55.812
[SPEAKER_01]: And you want to be able to feel things, touch things, experience things,
34:59.186 --> 35:03.552
[SPEAKER_01]: And watch what's going on, but you can't feel it, touch it, experience it.
35:03.893 --> 35:13.988
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you can see somebody touching a stove and they say, Ouch, that's hot, but, and tell you, feel it yourself, you know, you don't know what that
35:14.592 --> 35:16.073
[SPEAKER_01]: sensation is.
35:16.893 --> 35:19.835
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, yeah, I want to go down there and feel what that hot stove is like.
35:19.855 --> 35:21.996
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when you do you go, I didn't want to feel that.
35:22.036 --> 35:24.637
[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't feel that hurt.
35:24.978 --> 35:27.679
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not a good sensation.
35:27.699 --> 35:30.040
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I agreed to do that.
35:30.460 --> 35:30.781
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
35:31.161 --> 35:36.804
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do appreciate you saying that about not knowing why and not, you know,
35:37.184 --> 35:42.306
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, yeah, it could be karma, but it's not anything that we're supposed to know, right?
35:42.326 --> 35:59.112
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the beauty and the mystery of this human experience is the unknown and the getting to have these beautiful miraculous, sorrowful, exciting and devastating moments in our lives.
35:59.852 --> 36:06.455
[SPEAKER_01]: So a lot of it is maybe I want to go down and help so many people because that'll raise my
36:07.315 --> 36:30.329
[SPEAKER_01]: spiritual level of knowing and experiencing so that maybe I can someday be a spirit guide because I've experienced these things myself and I can help so many people because as a soul that's my complete goal and my journey is to help so many people and I can do that if I know what cancer feels like.
36:30.972 --> 36:43.620
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, what being raped feels like I know what all these things feel like and the only way I can do that is to actually go down to earth and experience these things.
36:44.201 --> 36:49.064
[SPEAKER_01]: That feels right to me and heels right to my soul.
36:49.544 --> 37:00.311
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not because I was this horrible soul, I've lives ago, but yes, I want to experience these things because I want to help people.
37:01.094 --> 37:04.115
[SPEAKER_01]: And my ultimate goal is to be an angel.
37:04.655 --> 37:08.137
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you can get yourself to that level or to be a fair guy.
37:08.617 --> 37:10.297
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, with my choice.
37:10.597 --> 37:15.859
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I could say what I wanted to do, if it's possible, I would love to be a fair guy.
37:16.560 --> 37:18.220
[SPEAKER_01]: I think you absolutely could do that.
37:18.480 --> 37:23.022
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, to sit there up there in that beautiful, higher consciousness,
37:24.112 --> 37:27.093
[SPEAKER_01]: And sit up there and go, okay, Jamie, are you listening to me?
37:27.513 --> 37:29.714
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, turn right instead of left, you know?
37:29.734 --> 37:31.555
[SPEAKER_01]: I just don't want to do that, you know?
37:31.615 --> 37:34.676
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're listening, you know, this would be a great thing for your soul to do.
37:34.776 --> 37:35.896
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love that job.
37:36.517 --> 37:37.437
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, you'd be great at it.
37:37.457 --> 37:38.157
[SPEAKER_01]: You'd be great at it.
37:38.637 --> 37:51.382
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe he's higher vibrational souls are saying, I want to experience that awfulness on earth, so that I can be at a higher place helping other people.
37:53.113 --> 37:54.898
[SPEAKER_01]: That's proud to see you all right to me.
37:55.540 --> 37:55.820
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
37:56.542 --> 37:56.883
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
37:57.405 --> 37:57.625
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
37:57.866 --> 37:58.187
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
37:58.601 --> 38:00.742
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I say is true, because that's what I want.
38:01.502 --> 38:04.104
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, I think it's what it is, right?
38:04.124 --> 38:13.108
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that's something that your intuition is telling you is real and true, and that's beautiful, and it's possible.
38:13.728 --> 38:14.749
[SPEAKER_00]: Anything is possible.
38:14.769 --> 38:15.909
[SPEAKER_00]: Anything possible?
38:16.309 --> 38:19.811
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, again, you and I have been through the impossible.
38:20.571 --> 38:23.433
[SPEAKER_00]: We have and come out with possible, with possible.
38:23.673 --> 38:24.193
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think.
38:24.613 --> 38:43.552
[SPEAKER_00]: you writing a book by the way and tell me the thing fitting in because it's called should of seen that coming and it's just subtotal is should of like S. H. O. U. L. D. apostrophe V. E. Should of seen that coming navigating the in between moments of acceptance surrender and resilience.
38:44.033 --> 38:44.253
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
38:44.493 --> 38:46.275
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I've got my copy on the way.
38:46.856 --> 38:51.537
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I'm ready yet but I'm definitely going to and it is on audible.
38:51.557 --> 39:10.602
[SPEAKER_00]: I was able to narrate it myself, which with some help obviously because I can't read a script or a book physically so I had a good friend of mine sit in the studio and she we were there for five days and we recorded five hours a day and she would read me a line or a sentence and I would
39:14.943 --> 39:15.764
[SPEAKER_00]: That's awesome.
39:16.124 --> 39:17.206
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's awesome.
39:17.786 --> 39:19.508
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's great.
39:19.969 --> 39:26.195
[SPEAKER_01]: So now we're pretty much at a time unfortunately, but you also are a podcaster.
39:26.716 --> 39:28.858
[SPEAKER_01]: So the name of your podcast is
39:30.226 --> 39:30.866
[SPEAKER_00]: Should have seen that coming.
39:30.906 --> 39:32.447
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's called that my higher.
39:32.467 --> 39:32.827
[SPEAKER_01]: Sorry.
39:32.907 --> 39:37.308
[SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't think I was like, what is it called by higher self has questions?
39:37.948 --> 39:38.288
[SPEAKER_01]: Great.
39:39.308 --> 39:42.309
[SPEAKER_01]: And people can find that on all the platforms.
39:42.329 --> 39:44.889
[SPEAKER_00]: Spotify, Apple, YouTube.
39:45.309 --> 39:47.830
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we record video and audio as well.
39:48.170 --> 39:48.510
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
39:48.530 --> 39:49.470
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's also on YouTube.
39:50.030 --> 39:50.330
[SPEAKER_01]: Correct.
39:50.350 --> 39:50.550
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
39:50.850 --> 39:51.610
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
39:51.630 --> 39:51.770
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
39:51.790 --> 39:51.910
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
39:51.930 --> 39:52.171
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
39:52.231 --> 39:52.491
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
39:52.851 --> 39:54.571
[SPEAKER_01]: And you have a website.
39:55.291 --> 39:55.831
[SPEAKER_00]: I do.
39:55.951 --> 39:58.912
[SPEAKER_00]: It is Jamie Estelle Roth.com.
39:59.712 --> 39:59.973
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
40:00.013 --> 40:01.074
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, let's spell that out.
40:01.134 --> 40:03.036
[SPEAKER_01]: Jamie is J-A-M-I-E.
40:03.557 --> 40:04.618
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, Estelle.
40:04.779 --> 40:06.841
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, T-E-L-L-E.
40:07.282 --> 40:07.582
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
40:08.223 --> 40:10.846
[SPEAKER_01]: Roth is R-O-T-H.
40:11.387 --> 40:11.807
[SPEAKER_01]: Correct.
40:12.128 --> 40:13.169
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, dot com.
40:13.630 --> 40:13.910
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
40:14.130 --> 40:14.391
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
40:14.611 --> 40:17.314
[SPEAKER_01]: That's easy to know how to find you because I absolutely will.
40:17.494 --> 40:17.875
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
40:18.528 --> 40:24.211
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it has been wonderful having you on and I think it'll make people have a lot of questions.
40:24.291 --> 40:36.956
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe somebody's mad at me to say, it's okay if you have something awful happened to you, but yeah, I think it's what you do with what happens to you in life, whether you get fired from a job or you have your head explode like me.
40:37.517 --> 40:39.237
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, or leisure I sight like me.
40:39.477 --> 40:39.958
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
40:40.258 --> 40:44.139
[SPEAKER_01]: It's this deal with it because things do happen to good people and
40:45.680 --> 41:11.838
[SPEAKER_00]: really it's how we deal with it that matters and yeah and I think too if you if you truly listen to your higher self your spirit they will never lead you wrong and they're constantly whispering and sharing guidance to you and for you so it's listening and then seeing what's right in front of you yeah and it's not a punishment it's not a punishment it's a gift.
41:12.925 --> 41:14.366
[SPEAKER_01]: It can be very much.
41:14.606 --> 41:15.167
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd give.
41:15.647 --> 41:18.188
[SPEAKER_01]: It can be so, again, it's a sense.
41:18.348 --> 41:22.131
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, it's not, but it sounds true.
41:22.451 --> 41:25.132
[SPEAKER_01]: But you have turned it into a gift.
41:25.372 --> 41:27.394
[SPEAKER_01]: I've turned mine into a gift.
41:27.654 --> 41:29.395
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad it happened.
41:29.415 --> 41:32.036
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it took me to the funny farm, but I'm glad it.
41:32.136 --> 41:32.997
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, to me.
41:33.077 --> 41:37.199
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, you have, unfortunately, it has to be experienced through truly understand it.
41:37.860 --> 41:41.662
[SPEAKER_00]: And like I said, it could be anything from having your brain exposed.
41:41.802 --> 41:47.665
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I come to losing your eyesight to, you know, finding out your outfit has a hole in it.
41:47.925 --> 41:49.766
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it doesn't matter.
41:49.926 --> 41:53.828
[SPEAKER_00]: It's whatever you decide in your brain needs to change.
41:54.528 --> 41:57.129
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, even with that.
41:57.309 --> 42:04.612
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it doesn't matter what it is, how you deal with it is what the universe is looking for.
42:06.056 --> 42:07.177
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, absolutely.
42:07.598 --> 42:08.919
[SPEAKER_01]: So reactions to everything.
42:08.959 --> 42:13.044
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep, deal with it with compassion, love, and joy, 100%.
42:13.544 --> 42:15.366
[SPEAKER_01]: And you'll be on the right side.
42:15.386 --> 42:17.368
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, pretty up, absolutely.
42:17.669 --> 42:18.129
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
42:18.149 --> 42:19.150
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, thank you for that.
42:19.170 --> 42:19.731
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks, Kat.
42:20.071 --> 42:21.333
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been pretty wonderful.
00:01.010 --> 00:03.851
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do bad things happen to good people?
00:04.711 --> 00:11.312
[SPEAKER_01]: And what if the hardest thing that you've ever faced changes you in ways you never could have imagined?
00:12.033 --> 00:20.015
[SPEAKER_01]: In this episode, I'm joined by Jania Stelroth, whose life took an unexpected turn when she began losing her eyesight.
00:20.615 --> 00:29.117
[SPEAKER_01]: Along the way, she also discovered an expansion of her intuitive abilities and a deeper connection to herself, her spirituality,
00:30.851 --> 00:38.747
[SPEAKER_01]: We talk about surrender, acceptance, humor, love, and what can happen when life forces us on to half?
00:39.187 --> 00:41.448
[SPEAKER_01]: We never would have chosen for our ourselves.
00:42.309 --> 00:43.429
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, just a quick thought.
00:44.130 --> 00:45.330
[SPEAKER_01]: New book is out.
00:46.131 --> 00:52.914
[SPEAKER_01]: A most beautiful life is now available in paperback and in ebook format at Amazon.
00:53.635 --> 01:05.901
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a story about my catastrophic brain hemorrhage in 2010, my near-death experience, and how you can learn with me the path I took to intuition and purpose.
01:07.381 --> 01:14.130
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Dial Up Intuition, a podcast that invites you to awaken and expand your intuition.
01:14.710 --> 01:16.152
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host Kat Sanders.
01:16.773 --> 01:22.280
[SPEAKER_01]: I was a radio and television broadcaster before a massive brain hemorrhage caused me to flatline.
01:22.720 --> 01:33.790
[SPEAKER_01]: That life-changing event led to a beautiful near-death experience, and when I came back, I returned with some profound truths and the ability to connect with the other side.
01:34.330 --> 01:40.576
[SPEAKER_01]: In this podcast we'll explore these truths and learn how to strengthen your intuition and intuitive gifts.
01:40.956 --> 01:49.463
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll hear conversations with remarkable intuitives who share how their gifts came alive evolved and became part of their daily lives.
01:49.924 --> 02:01.394
[SPEAKER_01]: So whether you're just beginning your intuitive journey or you're ready to go deeper, this is your space to be inspired, guided, and reminded that your intuitive gift was always within you.
02:02.014 --> 02:06.358
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's begin and dial up our intuition together.
02:07.626 --> 02:31.982
[SPEAKER_01]: Jamie Estelrock is an author podcast host and inspirational speaker whose life took an unexpected turn in her 50s when just as her deeper calling was coming into focus she began losing her eyesight and what followed was a profound spiritual awakening and transformational journey that taught Jamie about acceptance surrender resilience.
02:32.601 --> 02:37.944
[SPEAKER_01]: and finding a purpose in the midst of circumstances that we never would have chosen for ourselves.
02:38.565 --> 02:53.194
[SPEAKER_01]: She shares that journey in her debut book, should have seen that coming, and continues exploring spirituality, intuition, and life's bigger questions as the host of her podcast, my higher self-hask questions.
02:53.575 --> 02:58.758
[SPEAKER_01]: Today, Jamie shares her message of hope with others and with my listeners.
02:59.256 --> 03:05.377
[SPEAKER_01]: encouraging people to discover meaning and purpose, even during life's most difficult chapters.
03:05.937 --> 03:07.398
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what we're going to talk about today.
03:07.518 --> 03:10.858
[SPEAKER_01]: So Jamie, I am so happy to have you here.
03:10.938 --> 03:11.418
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome.
03:11.939 --> 03:12.579
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, Kat.
03:12.619 --> 03:17.360
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited to be sitting across from you via virtualisming.
03:18.520 --> 03:19.780
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, let's get right into it.
03:20.440 --> 03:23.421
[SPEAKER_01]: Your life is just ched in a long, everything's going great.
03:24.121 --> 03:27.062
[SPEAKER_01]: And all of a sudden, everything changes.
03:29.550 --> 03:45.741
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so in 2021, April of 2021, I had just returned home from helping my middle child move out of his dorms in Colorado, and I woke up the next morning after returning, and I had a dark spot in my left eye.
03:46.281 --> 03:53.266
[SPEAKER_00]: And I instinctively knew something was wrong, but I also was afraid to even address it, because
03:54.146 --> 03:58.647
[SPEAKER_00]: I tended to push down any instincts that came through because of fear.
03:59.127 --> 04:02.108
[SPEAKER_00]: But this time, I actually did something about it.
04:02.148 --> 04:07.749
[SPEAKER_00]: I reached out to my optometrist and they immediately told me to call them up theologist, which I did.
04:07.989 --> 04:14.051
[SPEAKER_00]: I got in that day and no one could see the dark spot, by the way, it was just me and I thought it might be a rogue contact.
04:14.331 --> 04:15.791
[SPEAKER_00]: So I didn't think anything of it.
04:16.271 --> 04:21.433
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I went to my appointment and the doctor told the tests and then sat back in
04:23.253 --> 04:35.718
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you're going to have to clear your schedule for the next few days because you could have cancer, a tumor, MS, optic neuritis, or non-artural ischemic optic neuropathy.
04:36.078 --> 04:39.920
[SPEAKER_00]: The last two were foreign languages to me and the first three were a death sentence.
04:40.700 --> 04:46.905
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was in shock and was by myself and I asked him because humor is my coping mechanism.
04:47.986 --> 04:51.069
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, so it's not a rogue contact, you sure.
04:51.089 --> 04:53.851
[SPEAKER_00]: He was like, yeah, no.
04:53.871 --> 05:00.017
[SPEAKER_00]: So subsequently after that, I left there and waited to get my MRI, which happened a week later.
05:00.037 --> 05:06.883
[SPEAKER_00]: And they ruled out MSN cancer in a tumor, but the other two, the optic neuritis, or
05:07.503 --> 05:12.265
[SPEAKER_00]: the NAIO win, which is not an arterialischemic optic neuropathy, very big word.
05:13.145 --> 05:15.046
[SPEAKER_00]: They didn't roll those out.
05:15.246 --> 05:20.869
[SPEAKER_00]: So then I saw a couple other doctors because this ophthalmologist couldn't help me.
05:21.229 --> 05:33.294
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I was being kind of shuffled from doctor to doctor, I had had had a flare-up of diverticulitis during actually right before I had the spot show up.
05:33.914 --> 05:43.523
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I wouldn't saw a neurologist locally to get some help and find out what might be going on with my optic nerves, which were inflamed both of them.
05:44.023 --> 05:46.325
[SPEAKER_00]: No one could explain to me why or how.
05:47.326 --> 05:58.877
[SPEAKER_00]: And my left eye where the spot was actually that spot grew from the size of a corn kernel to encompassing my entire eyeball over a period of a month and a half.
05:59.437 --> 06:03.478
[SPEAKER_00]: So by the end of May, my eye was completely dark on the left side.
06:04.098 --> 06:05.159
[SPEAKER_00]: My right eye was fine.
06:05.999 --> 06:13.901
[SPEAKER_00]: The doctor gave me a really high-quick dose of steroids, which they give people who have inflammation in the optic nerve.
06:14.341 --> 06:20.703
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had 3,000 milligrams of steroids, and I was, I had a lot of energy.
06:23.004 --> 06:26.866
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I, you know, nothing really happened.
06:26.906 --> 06:28.267
[SPEAKER_00]: It was still inflamed.
06:28.627 --> 06:31.909
[SPEAKER_00]: And I ended up getting another flare up of diverticulitis.
06:32.450 --> 06:37.213
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, I count that to the, the steroids in my body, plus my body was weak.
06:38.153 --> 06:47.839
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I went to Stanford three weeks later and they did test as well and the actual up the neurologist that I spoke with that I saw.
06:48.539 --> 06:51.861
[SPEAKER_00]: She says to me just very bluntly, your left eye is done.
06:52.342 --> 06:53.683
[SPEAKER_00]: Now we need to save your right eye.
06:54.543 --> 07:01.731
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had an out of body experience and was floating over my body and looking down just saying, are you kidding me?
07:01.952 --> 07:02.933
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't real.
07:02.953 --> 07:05.896
[SPEAKER_00]: I was thriving.
07:05.916 --> 07:07.378
[SPEAKER_00]: I was a real estate agent.
07:07.838 --> 07:09.700
[SPEAKER_00]: I was trying to help new buyers by a house.
07:10.321 --> 07:11.582
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't do this.
07:12.343 --> 07:20.185
[SPEAKER_00]: So she then had me go to the hospital after doing some tests and found out that the vessels in my eye were leaking.
07:20.765 --> 07:23.766
[SPEAKER_00]: And so they needed to stop the leaking, which they eventually did.
07:24.966 --> 07:33.548
[SPEAKER_00]: While I was in the hospital, my right eye started to show some signs of failure, but nothing significant that got me to nervous or them to nervous.
07:34.268 --> 07:34.968
[SPEAKER_00]: I went home.
07:35.448 --> 07:39.029
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and they did give me 3,000 milligrams of steroids as well.
07:42.410 --> 07:42.730
[SPEAKER_00]: I did.
07:42.790 --> 07:43.690
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, right.
07:43.710 --> 07:48.812
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had 6,000 milligrams of steroids through, you know, flowing through my system within a matter of three weeks.
07:49.232 --> 07:50.912
[SPEAKER_00]: And I went home.
07:51.472 --> 07:53.373
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew something was going to happen.
07:53.453 --> 07:55.553
[SPEAKER_00]: I literally studied my children's faces.
07:55.793 --> 07:58.854
[SPEAKER_00]: I had two kids in college and one in middle school, the time.
07:59.734 --> 08:06.836
[SPEAKER_00]: The day that I got my new buyer into escrow, I knew I was having another flare-up of dieticolitis.
08:07.796 --> 08:19.928
[SPEAKER_00]: And at the same time, my left eye was dark, and I was like, totally content with just having one eye to work with in life, because I could not, I couldn't surrender to what was happening.
08:20.128 --> 08:21.770
[SPEAKER_00]: It was too devastating for me.
08:22.190 --> 08:24.973
[SPEAKER_00]: And nothing that my brain could process.
08:25.493 --> 08:32.039
[SPEAKER_00]: So I knew I was having another flare-up of diverticulitis, turns out I had a perforated colon.
08:32.940 --> 08:38.922
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also had a vaginal fissula from the diverticulitis, which I didn't realize you could get.
08:40.122 --> 08:49.625
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was in the ER and I thought I was going to have to have surgery on my colon and get a cost to me back, which thankfully I did not.
08:49.845 --> 08:50.905
[SPEAKER_00]: I got a drain instead.
08:51.505 --> 08:59.828
[SPEAKER_00]: But unfortunately, as I was in the ER waiting for them to help me and fix my eyesight and my gut, my right eye started to fail.
09:00.408 --> 09:06.610
[SPEAKER_00]: Whereas the left eye was like a bucket of dirty water had filled my eye, the right eye, it was like a shade was coming down.
09:06.690 --> 09:08.110
[SPEAKER_00]: So I couldn't see above your forehead.
09:08.690 --> 09:13.792
[SPEAKER_00]: So I went to, I ended up going back up to Stanford because it was the right place for me to be.
09:13.812 --> 09:16.033
[SPEAKER_00]: I was there a week.
09:16.053 --> 09:19.754
[SPEAKER_00]: My optic nerve was still in play, but not as much as it was before.
09:20.674 --> 09:22.936
[SPEAKER_00]: I was given the every kind of drug who can imagine to help.
09:23.577 --> 09:27.460
[SPEAKER_00]: They could not figure out what happened or why this happened.
09:27.520 --> 09:28.961
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't meet any of the criteria.
09:29.762 --> 09:31.744
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was sent home after five days.
09:32.505 --> 09:38.550
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, Kim Holmes studied my children's faces because I knew instinctively, my life was completely changing.
09:39.151 --> 09:40.312
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't want to accept it.
09:40.492 --> 09:42.694
[SPEAKER_00]: But I was preparing, I guess, for it.
09:43.074 --> 09:45.897
[SPEAKER_00]: In my spirit was preparing for it.
09:46.808 --> 09:50.909
[SPEAKER_00]: Three days later, I had what they call visual field loss.
09:51.369 --> 09:54.730
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like I'm looking through a dirty window during a snowstorm.
09:55.811 --> 09:59.852
[SPEAKER_00]: And since then, that's kind of what my eyesight has been like.
09:59.892 --> 10:14.956
[SPEAKER_00]: It was really fast and took three months for me to go from being able to see clearly and do all the things to being completely dependent on everybody for what I needed to do at the time.
10:15.775 --> 10:19.658
[SPEAKER_01]: So you pretty much felt like you were completely under attack.
10:19.918 --> 10:22.260
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure, because everything was great.
10:23.081 --> 10:24.202
[SPEAKER_01]: You're at the top of your game.
10:24.542 --> 10:26.344
[SPEAKER_01]: Your kids are going off to college.
10:26.364 --> 10:29.627
[SPEAKER_01]: You're just learning how to be a couple again.
10:29.667 --> 10:34.511
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure, you know, so life is really great.
10:35.311 --> 10:40.616
[SPEAKER_01]: And all of a sudden, you get hit with everything all at once.
10:40.636 --> 10:41.436
[SPEAKER_01]: I cite,
10:42.567 --> 10:46.349
[SPEAKER_01]: This diverticculosis, the steroids are affecting you.
10:46.369 --> 10:49.911
[SPEAKER_01]: Not wham, wham, double wham.
10:50.912 --> 10:54.794
[SPEAKER_01]: How are you taking it emotionally at this point?
10:54.814 --> 10:58.076
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, do you feel like, God, where are you?
10:59.037 --> 11:00.497
[SPEAKER_01]: Or what did I do wrong?
11:00.798 --> 11:04.740
[SPEAKER_01]: Or, emotionally, how are you dealing with it at that point?
11:05.405 --> 11:23.682
[SPEAKER_00]: All of those things, I was angry, I was scared, I was frustrated, I was so sad, I was mystified that how this could happen to me, I thought I had done everything right and I was trying to go back in my memory to say what did I do wrong to make this happen?
11:23.702 --> 11:24.583
[SPEAKER_00]: And,
11:25.664 --> 11:33.229
[SPEAKER_00]: I had moments where I did interestingly enough, I didn't lay in bed and curl up in a ball and cry every day.
11:33.249 --> 11:45.436
[SPEAKER_00]: I would usually cry in the shower, and I would cry to my husband periodically, but I tried to keep my spirits up as much as I could because I didn't want my kids to see me sad.
11:45.836 --> 11:47.057
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to give them that.
11:48.243 --> 11:53.367
[SPEAKER_00]: that like vision of me not being strong enough to handle this.
11:53.708 --> 12:00.553
[SPEAKER_00]: That was never who I was and I was always one who could persevere and my whole motto in life was adapt and overcome.
12:01.374 --> 12:11.002
[SPEAKER_00]: And I grew up with a single mom, my sister and I and you know we were we had to survive quite a bit and that was just how I did it.
12:11.022 --> 12:11.442
[SPEAKER_00]: I had
12:12.303 --> 12:25.928
[SPEAKER_00]: a lot of situational awareness and ability to move forward, but I wasn't being true to myself and allowing myself to have the emotions that needed to come out.
12:26.648 --> 12:30.189
[SPEAKER_00]: And when they did, it was a lot.
12:30.589 --> 12:31.129
[SPEAKER_00]: It was hard.
12:31.469 --> 12:31.970
[SPEAKER_00]: I cried.
12:32.370 --> 12:34.330
[SPEAKER_00]: My husband went to go get coffee for the first time.
12:34.370 --> 12:35.391
[SPEAKER_00]: I was home by myself.
12:36.091 --> 12:41.573
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was so afraid I would run into stuff because I really couldn't see a lot of the things that were in my way.
12:41.593 --> 12:48.075
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I sat on our coffee table in our living room and my dog like hung a near me.
12:48.775 --> 12:50.176
[SPEAKER_00]: And knew something was wrong.
12:50.416 --> 12:51.736
[SPEAKER_00]: And so he stuck by me.
12:52.116 --> 12:55.017
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just sat there and cried and I called my husband in a panic.
12:55.057 --> 12:55.857
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh my God.
12:56.438 --> 12:57.338
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how to do this.
12:57.918 --> 12:59.859
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was it was hard.
12:59.879 --> 13:01.879
[SPEAKER_00]: It was really hard at first.
13:04.380 --> 13:05.681
[SPEAKER_00]: so I was kind of by myself.
13:06.921 --> 13:09.322
[SPEAKER_00]: It was crazy, but I did it, right?
13:09.382 --> 13:09.982
[SPEAKER_00]: You do it.
13:10.102 --> 13:10.562
[SPEAKER_00]: You do it.
13:10.963 --> 13:11.403
[SPEAKER_00]: You do it.
13:11.783 --> 13:13.744
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we have so many of us questions.
13:13.884 --> 13:18.445
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, why do bad things happen to good people?
13:19.226 --> 13:24.027
[SPEAKER_01]: And I believe, you know, they do happen to good people.
13:24.688 --> 13:25.928
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my brain exploded.
13:26.048 --> 13:29.009
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I and I was at the top of my game.
13:29.029 --> 13:30.350
[SPEAKER_01]: I was 49 years old.
13:30.510 --> 13:30.710
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean,
13:31.671 --> 13:34.754
[SPEAKER_01]: bad things do happen to good people all the time.
13:35.675 --> 13:52.250
[SPEAKER_01]: And I also believe that we're kind of here on this planet, you know, our souls are put into these little temporary bodies so that we can learn and experience and part of that experience is bad things too, you know, but.
13:53.770 --> 13:54.771
[SPEAKER_01]: It's how we deal with it.
13:54.911 --> 14:01.418
[SPEAKER_01]: So how did you, and you, I know you're still going through it, how did you deal with it?
14:02.239 --> 14:02.579
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I,
14:04.439 --> 14:09.860
[SPEAKER_00]: I had some really great, well, my family, first of all, they were amazing in reminding me that I'm here.
14:10.361 --> 14:16.082
[SPEAKER_00]: My daughter would say to me often, I know you can't see us as well, Mom, but remember you're here, you're alive.
14:16.102 --> 14:22.644
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I had sexists, I was going down the wrong path, you know, and not gonna come back.
14:22.764 --> 14:28.165
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that strength within my family was huge for me.
14:28.185 --> 14:31.546
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a great support team with friends around me.
14:34.387 --> 14:39.292
[SPEAKER_00]: although those things are always a given hopefully for people and I love to that for myself.
14:39.312 --> 14:45.218
[SPEAKER_00]: I unintentionally or maybe intentionally dug deep to find other ways to help myself.
14:45.899 --> 14:56.209
[SPEAKER_00]: So I would listen to audiobooks that would pop up on, I would ask, I call her Odessa because if I say her name, she will ask me what I need.
14:57.031 --> 15:11.851
[SPEAKER_00]: So, it's actually, yes, so, but she would give me recommendations for books about healing or whatnot, because I realized with Western medicine, the doctor's is Stanford and the local hospital here saved my life and I'm very grateful.
15:12.191 --> 15:14.374
[SPEAKER_00]: But once they did that, they were kind of like,
15:14.995 --> 15:24.304
[SPEAKER_00]: have fun, like you're blind by, and not in that way, but just, you know, and so I was in search of others that could help me heal, who could fix me.
15:24.404 --> 15:31.992
[SPEAKER_00]: So I turned to Eastern medicine, energy healing, that kind of thing, and got connected with an acupuncturist and a cranial
15:35.455 --> 15:45.142
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to psychics and mediums and every single one, I wanted them to take me and put their hands on me and heal me, get my sight back.
15:45.843 --> 15:50.126
[SPEAKER_00]: And the whole time, I realized, well, I didn't realize it's time.
15:50.146 --> 15:54.289
[SPEAKER_00]: But I was being shown that I could do it myself.
15:54.889 --> 15:55.530
[SPEAKER_00]: And so through,
15:57.051 --> 16:11.698
[SPEAKER_00]: songs on my Spotify playlist that would come through to remind me like you're not in this alone, you can do it by yourself but you also have support and we're here for you and it would usually be from my guides and my angels through music and
16:12.398 --> 16:30.582
[SPEAKER_00]: So eventually, I started to listen more to that message from that medium of conversation with my guides and angels and also through friends or family or practitioners that were helping me to see what I needed to see to help heal myself.
16:31.202 --> 16:32.743
[SPEAKER_01]: We're never so, are we?
16:33.063 --> 16:33.783
[SPEAKER_00]: No, we don't.
16:34.063 --> 16:38.464
[SPEAKER_01]: Even your dog knew, your dog, your angels, your guides
16:42.159 --> 16:55.287
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we go through these difficult things, but then we find out that there are so many great souls and and we find out how many or how well we are connected to everything.
16:57.201 --> 16:57.521
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
16:57.962 --> 16:58.522
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
16:59.403 --> 17:03.486
[SPEAKER_00]: I did have an experience and I actually write about it in my book because it was so profound.
17:04.206 --> 17:06.948
[SPEAKER_00]: I was invited by my really good friend.
17:06.968 --> 17:11.311
[SPEAKER_00]: She was actually my therapist to and to this she called it a rose ceremony.
17:11.872 --> 17:13.393
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was a gathering of women.
17:13.433 --> 17:15.815
[SPEAKER_00]: They were like 12 women there and I knew maybe two.
17:16.495 --> 17:18.176
[SPEAKER_00]: But I was just so happy to be there.
17:18.436 --> 17:19.157
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't matter.
17:19.257 --> 17:21.999
[SPEAKER_00]: I was invited to the cool girls hang out.
17:23.660 --> 17:39.065
[SPEAKER_00]: It was so excited and there was a woman who was going to be speaking and she had written a book about Oh God I forget it's called Rose Girl by Holly Payne and so she was there to speak about her book and again I was just happy to be there
17:39.785 --> 17:55.914
[SPEAKER_00]: And at the end of the, oh, and I was able to kind of share with everybody what I was seeing in my visual field, because I was seeing some some stuff that I couldn't explain outright, like I had visions of eyes coming into my visual field and all kinds of other stuff.
17:55.934 --> 18:02.938
[SPEAKER_00]: So I shared with these women and they did not put me, they did not think I was crazy.
18:03.078 --> 18:03.998
[SPEAKER_00]: They embraced it.
18:04.078 --> 18:08.221
[SPEAKER_00]: They, they, you know, like, yes, no, you're seeing this that the other, right?
18:09.101 --> 18:13.724
[SPEAKER_00]: And so at the end, my friend had a sound bowl and she played a little bit.
18:13.804 --> 18:17.485
[SPEAKER_00]: And then she had everybody put Rosoyle on their fingers.
18:18.006 --> 18:20.707
[SPEAKER_00]: And she said, I want you to enlight the woman to your left.
18:21.187 --> 18:26.350
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're going to know it on her heart chakra, her third eye chakra and her crown chakra.
18:26.970 --> 18:31.413
[SPEAKER_00]: And the whole time I think you do myself, I'm going to poke her eye out and touch your boob.
18:32.354 --> 18:34.235
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't see what I'm doing.
18:34.676 --> 18:35.797
[SPEAKER_00]: But I thought, okay, it's okay.
18:35.817 --> 18:36.598
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to figure it out.
18:36.738 --> 18:37.458
[SPEAKER_00]: It's totally fine.
18:37.859 --> 18:48.929
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the woman to my right got in front of me before I could do anything to the woman on my left and she knelt in front of me and she asked, can I place my hands over your eyes?
18:49.710 --> 18:51.091
[SPEAKER_00]: And I instinctively said, yes.
18:51.632 --> 18:52.553
[SPEAKER_00]: And so she did.
18:52.573 --> 18:52.693
[SPEAKER_00]: And we
18:54.334 --> 19:02.240
[SPEAKER_00]: she had sat in there for maybe like 20 seconds and she took her hands off and the whole time I was there I didn't cry which was out of permanent grant on my face.
19:03.000 --> 19:04.982
[SPEAKER_00]: She took her hands off and I lost it.
19:05.202 --> 19:06.042
[SPEAKER_00]: I sobbed.
19:06.162 --> 19:15.729
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like a damn had opened at burst and I was allowed to truly, truly let go and it was beautiful.
19:16.269 --> 19:18.411
[SPEAKER_00]: And so ironically enough I
19:20.152 --> 19:41.937
[SPEAKER_00]: five months later, I had a reading with a gentleman, his name is John Newton, and he did an ancestral clearing with me, and we talked about the eyes, and he said, you know, when you have issues with your eyes, it means you're, you've seen something you don't want to see, you've had trauma, you've been forced to watch something, and so we went through this whole process.
19:42.697 --> 19:53.340
[SPEAKER_00]: And at the end, I felt so much better, but you know, still my eyesight wasn't cleared, whatever, but then at the end he said, do you have a few minutes left because I have extra time and I said, yeah, of course.
19:54.000 --> 19:55.921
[SPEAKER_00]: And he goes, you believe in God, right?
19:56.021 --> 19:59.782
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, yes, I believe there's a God, cone source, light, whatever.
20:00.702 --> 20:02.622
[SPEAKER_00]: And he said, you believe Jesus is real.
20:02.662 --> 20:04.303
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said, yes, I believe Jesus is real.
20:04.323 --> 20:11.884
[SPEAKER_00]: And he goes, OK, he goes, I want you to visualize yourself standing on this hill of grass, which is in part of the exercise we did.
20:12.425 --> 20:19.206
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want you to imagine yourself as that 14-year-old girl and standing in front of you is, or kneeling in front of you is Jesus.
20:19.806 --> 20:21.807
[SPEAKER_00]: And he's placing his hands over your eyes.
20:22.487 --> 20:24.447
[SPEAKER_00]: And behind you is Mother Mary.
20:24.927 --> 20:27.388
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's always reminding you that she has your back.
20:28.148 --> 20:36.153
[SPEAKER_00]: And in that moment, I could feel physically feel her robe that she was wearing, the texture, the weight.
20:36.913 --> 20:37.634
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew the color.
20:37.654 --> 20:41.256
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like a brown and it was beautiful.
20:41.796 --> 20:50.241
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think back to the Rose ceremony and the woman kneeling in front of me, and she was doing what Jesus was doing.
20:50.962 --> 20:51.902
[SPEAKER_00]: So having that
20:53.339 --> 21:03.567
[SPEAKER_00]: visual in my mind and in my body helped me heal as well in the sense that I knew I wasn't alone and that there's a purpose to all of this.
21:04.588 --> 21:05.829
[SPEAKER_01]: That's beautiful.
21:06.690 --> 21:07.571
[SPEAKER_00]: That is beautiful.
21:07.911 --> 21:17.318
[SPEAKER_01]: Here is a purpose to everything even though when we're here on this planet in this very egocentric, you know, life,
21:19.577 --> 21:46.970
[SPEAKER_01]: It really is hard to see it and it's so beautiful when you can see it, you know for me, I'm having this beautiful day in this life that seems pretty good, pretty perfect exactly the way I had planned it and all the sudden boom feels like a knife in my head, all of a sudden I wake up from this coma after brain surgery and I can't speak sentences, I can't walk
21:47.741 --> 22:13.640
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't think straight and I have to start my life over again from like being a toddler, learning everything from scratch, you know, how to put my hand in my mouth and I can't do nearly half the, almost none of the things that I used to do before, thinking about managing a big office with hundreds of people in it and, you know, being a big, you know,
22:17.350 --> 22:22.271
[SPEAKER_01]: doing all of those things that I did and making big money and I lost everything finance.
22:22.351 --> 22:33.753
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, every 100s and hundreds of thousands of dollars that I had saved up over all of my career for my retirement and I think about that and you'd think, I'm so angry.
22:33.773 --> 22:45.955
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but really it was the most beautiful experience of my life because of my new death experience and I am so happy and proud
22:47.323 --> 22:49.664
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just I'm so glad that it happened.
22:50.204 --> 22:51.204
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:51.224 --> 22:53.065
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would that be true?
22:53.085 --> 22:53.545
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
22:54.145 --> 22:55.525
[SPEAKER_01]: That was crazy.
22:55.745 --> 22:56.106
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
22:56.226 --> 22:56.786
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm nuts.
22:56.866 --> 22:57.166
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
22:57.446 --> 22:58.146
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm nuts.
22:58.706 --> 22:58.906
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:59.707 --> 23:00.567
[SPEAKER_01]: I am nuts.
23:00.907 --> 23:06.869
[SPEAKER_01]: So glad that it happened because I see life in such a better way.
23:07.049 --> 23:09.049
[SPEAKER_01]: I am living a much better
23:13.842 --> 23:41.398
[SPEAKER_01]: for sure are more for a go life I have the 4400 square foot home I don't have the beautiful lake view I don't have the big expensive car and all that money to rely on for my return I don't care as I have the knowledge and the freedom of knowing that I do not fear death
23:42.113 --> 23:44.875
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm kind of looking forward to it not right.
23:45.296 --> 23:46.377
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not anxious.
23:46.837 --> 23:47.658
[SPEAKER_01]: I want every day.
23:47.738 --> 23:58.167
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm given here to experience this body and this world, but my I'm so happy that it happened, but my daughter sets yeah right.
23:58.187 --> 23:59.788
[SPEAKER_01]: And like my daughter said you're here.
24:00.188 --> 24:00.789
[SPEAKER_01]: You're here.
24:01.149 --> 24:01.710
[SPEAKER_01]: You're here.
24:02.050 --> 24:02.310
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
24:02.490 --> 24:04.272
[SPEAKER_01]: And I look at what's happening to you.
24:04.872 --> 24:07.535
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just say, I am so sorry.
24:07.555 --> 24:10.177
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, this is happening to you and yet.
24:11.098 --> 24:18.626
[SPEAKER_01]: This is such an experience for you to be able to say, okay, now you're more in touch.
24:19.567 --> 24:30.338
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but these other things around you because they've taken that part of it away so that you're more focused on the other senses the intuitiveness.
24:31.375 --> 24:31.815
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
24:31.835 --> 24:35.016
[SPEAKER_00]: I never would have written a book about my experience.
24:35.437 --> 24:37.637
[SPEAKER_00]: I never would have had a podcast.
24:38.138 --> 24:43.200
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't have spoken in front of people without, you know, being so anxious.
24:43.260 --> 24:45.600
[SPEAKER_00]: I was super anxious before anything happened.
24:45.640 --> 24:50.963
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do think that, you know, people have asked me, you know, why do you think this happened to you?
24:50.983 --> 24:51.703
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like,
24:52.383 --> 24:54.725
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think it was always going to happen.
24:54.745 --> 25:07.855
[SPEAKER_00]: I was lucky enough to live 51 years doing what I needed to do and getting prepared knowingly to be here in this moment, even talking to you.
25:08.576 --> 25:12.319
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it was a perfect storm how it all hit.
25:12.719 --> 25:17.923
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had the COVID vaccine right before my first flare up of diverticulitis.
25:18.643 --> 25:21.766
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's a possibility that I had a reaction to that.
25:21.886 --> 25:26.388
[SPEAKER_00]: I had an autoimmune disease that I didn't know about, but isn't pertinent to my condition.
25:27.189 --> 25:31.011
[SPEAKER_00]: I was going through parameda pause.
25:31.131 --> 25:34.813
[SPEAKER_00]: I had had a hysterectomy a year before and going through menopause, actually.
25:35.473 --> 25:44.438
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had systemic inflammation throughout my body and I was not taking care of myself and my higher self and my spirit went, you know what?
25:44.458 --> 25:46.079
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that was a time.
25:46.179 --> 25:47.280
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's make it a little crazier.
25:47.940 --> 25:52.681
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's see so much your community handle because you're pretty pretty freaking strong.
25:53.462 --> 26:10.426
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're going to show you how strong you are and also to just share it with others so that when they go through hard times or struggles or really serious conditions maybe just maybe you'll be able to help them and then they'll be able to help themselves.
26:10.706 --> 26:10.986
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
26:11.727 --> 26:12.527
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't wish
26:13.579 --> 26:15.960
[SPEAKER_01]: anything bad to happen to anybody.
26:16.220 --> 26:18.561
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, you feel the same way.
26:18.581 --> 26:19.261
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no.
26:19.622 --> 26:19.962
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
26:20.382 --> 26:22.343
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that some of this stuff.
26:22.763 --> 26:23.863
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just my belief.
26:24.183 --> 26:25.444
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm certainly no expert.
26:25.864 --> 26:29.426
[SPEAKER_01]: I think some of this stuff is kind of pre ordained that it's going to happen.
26:29.706 --> 26:31.026
[SPEAKER_01]: We have free will, right?
26:31.527 --> 26:37.109
[SPEAKER_01]: Definitely have free will to make our own stupid mistakes and do some really great things too.
26:37.609 --> 26:39.510
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that some of the big stuff.
26:40.050 --> 27:06.742
[SPEAKER_01]: is kind of stuff that may be we signed up for when we were, you know, out there before we're born and said, hey, let's do something crazy and really it's a really dramatic or yes, I don't know why some of this stuff happens, but when we're up there in that unconditional beautiful love and we go, you know what, let's make this a really great role as to ride do something nutty, you know, why these things happen.
27:07.277 --> 27:21.717
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, when they do, if they do, how we react to them and what we do with that stuff is dramatic and you have done something amazing with something.
27:22.211 --> 27:22.812
[SPEAKER_01]: really crappy.
27:23.012 --> 27:24.975
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just say it sucks.
27:25.335 --> 27:26.056
[SPEAKER_01]: It's horrible.
27:26.076 --> 27:27.398
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be blind.
27:27.578 --> 27:28.419
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to see my kids.
27:28.439 --> 27:29.981
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to see your beautiful face clearly.
27:30.441 --> 27:35.748
[SPEAKER_00]: And yes, the human side of me goes, this is really crappy.
27:36.289 --> 27:38.091
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want it.
27:38.371 --> 27:40.734
[SPEAKER_00]: But the other side of me goes, but
27:41.455 --> 27:49.556
[SPEAKER_00]: look at how much you've gotten from this, so how much you learned and how much how much love is around you and how you can see it without seeing it.
27:50.217 --> 27:51.597
[SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't see before.
27:51.617 --> 27:54.217
[SPEAKER_00]: I was looking, I look at everything.
27:54.597 --> 27:55.477
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, look, there's that.
27:55.617 --> 27:56.538
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, look, there's this.
27:57.018 --> 27:59.718
[SPEAKER_00]: But I never, I don't think I truly saw people.
28:00.178 --> 28:08.640
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that happens a lot in our world because we're constantly looking for the next best thing, but we don't see it right in front of us.
28:10.079 --> 28:13.341
[SPEAKER_01]: But there's so much in the world that you would like to see.
28:14.462 --> 28:23.487
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so many people that are listening to this, watching this, that are saying, but how can you be happy about this?
28:23.747 --> 28:25.689
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there's a lot of it that you're not happy about.
28:25.729 --> 28:31.352
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of my life that I really wish I could rewind and say, I want that back.
28:31.652 --> 28:35.775
[SPEAKER_01]: And there are days when I get kind of angry,
28:39.698 --> 28:54.525
[SPEAKER_01]: That I mourn for, you know, but then I remember then I remember the beautiful gifts that came along with this awful brain explosion in my case and loss of sight for you.
28:54.545 --> 29:00.108
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you can turn your life back around and go, okay, this happened this sucks.
29:00.692 --> 29:06.154
[SPEAKER_01]: And even when it's something that says, okay, that means that my life is going to end at a certain time.
29:06.294 --> 29:09.235
[SPEAKER_01]: Some horrible diagnosis, some awful thing.
29:10.175 --> 29:18.078
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't see, and I know people are going to go, they're going to, they're going to write on my YouTube, you know, person for saying this.
29:18.518 --> 29:20.599
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't see death as a punishment.
29:21.318 --> 29:27.240
[SPEAKER_01]: because I was there at the brink of death and when they said, you need to go back, I went, oh, let me stay.
29:27.920 --> 29:29.301
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, of course.
29:29.361 --> 29:32.802
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's so phenomenal on the other side.
29:33.002 --> 29:37.904
[SPEAKER_01]: And yes, the people that are left behind will miss your physical body and all of that.
29:38.564 --> 29:41.766
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know that you're not disconnected when you go.
29:41.786 --> 29:43.686
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I was there.
29:44.947 --> 29:50.189
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you can take something devastating like what you've been through,
29:51.145 --> 29:56.952
[SPEAKER_01]: what I've been through, what other people go through, and make the best of it like you're doing.
29:57.513 --> 30:05.202
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, write a book about it, do a podcast about it, take it and become
30:05.971 --> 30:09.012
[SPEAKER_01]: more intuitive, more connected to the other side.
30:09.492 --> 30:12.533
[SPEAKER_01]: Your life does become more beautiful.
30:13.173 --> 30:13.473
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
30:13.993 --> 30:15.153
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have a question for you?
30:15.173 --> 30:21.875
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel like sometimes when people go through devastating things, right?
30:22.455 --> 30:26.436
[SPEAKER_00]: Blindness, cancer, you know, death in the family, whatever?
30:27.617 --> 30:38.785
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, there is the opportunity to do what you and I have done, which is adapt and overcome, and move forward and be present as much as possible.
30:38.865 --> 30:44.389
[SPEAKER_00]: But also see the emotions that come up and don't shove them down as much.
30:44.469 --> 30:45.850
[SPEAKER_00]: We allow them to come through.
30:46.551 --> 30:48.392
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's part of our healing process.
30:49.053 --> 30:53.296
[SPEAKER_00]: And what you're doing with your podcast and your book and you're speaking like all of those
30:56.798 --> 31:12.109
[SPEAKER_00]: Like other people that have journeys, like lessons for this human experience of their lifetime, maybe sometimes they have to go through the really hard, you know, suffering in order to to learn this life lesson.
31:12.850 --> 31:22.036
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if that sounds crazy or cynical, I don't mean it to be, but I'm just so curious about your thoughts on that.
31:22.737 --> 31:23.857
[SPEAKER_00]: I know, sorry, I'm interviewing you.
31:25.378 --> 31:28.960
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so sorry, it's true to the people on the way to you can edit that out.
31:29.020 --> 31:29.760
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so sorry.
31:30.040 --> 31:31.481
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to you.
31:31.581 --> 31:33.081
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a little podcast for you.
31:34.762 --> 31:36.983
[SPEAKER_00]: By higher self-esteem, I'm so many questions.
31:37.883 --> 31:38.583
[SPEAKER_01]: My candidate.
31:38.644 --> 31:49.828
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's a question that I don't exactly have the answer for, but my thoughts are that, yeah, we don't know why we go through these things.
31:50.565 --> 31:52.345
[SPEAKER_01]: in life.
31:52.365 --> 31:56.246
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have the answer until I'm on the other side, right?
31:56.586 --> 32:04.668
[SPEAKER_01]: But do we go these things because our soul needs to learn a lesson that we want to learn?
32:04.908 --> 32:12.690
[SPEAKER_01]: I do believe that, you know, when we're on the other side, we do have some choices as to when we come back, what we want to learn or whatever.
32:13.510 --> 32:15.691
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't believe that there's punishment.
32:17.191 --> 32:25.555
[SPEAKER_01]: I do believe every thing because when I was in my near death experience, there was no punishment, there were lessons to be learned.
32:25.655 --> 32:28.416
[SPEAKER_01]: There was, you know, here's your life review.
32:28.876 --> 32:31.598
[SPEAKER_01]: So I do believe we have life reviews to learn.
32:32.218 --> 32:41.522
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, this is what you, on the other, you know, when you're on earth, this is what you created by your, you know, free will decisions.
32:42.086 --> 32:50.434
[SPEAKER_01]: If, yeah, like this, this is the ripple that it caused and because you decided this, this was the ripple that that it created.
32:50.954 --> 32:58.080
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I want to create ripples that cause goodness and compassion and good things to happen.
32:58.641 --> 33:02.344
[SPEAKER_01]: And especially after what I experienced in my near death experience.
33:02.885 --> 33:05.207
[SPEAKER_01]: So I want to create those really good ripples.
33:05.972 --> 33:06.232
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
33:06.572 --> 33:17.974
[SPEAKER_00]: It's almost like you're, um, I've come to this realization recently that speaking to some that might struggle to get out of their own sorrow for whatever is happened, right?
33:18.074 --> 33:24.836
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever they're quote unquote blindness is, whether it's divorce, cancer, you know, job loss, whatever it is.
33:24.856 --> 33:29.177
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I just send them love, love and compassion.
33:29.837 --> 33:32.137
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, I think that
33:36.638 --> 33:50.584
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you and me, we're sharing our stories with others because maybe just maybe it will help someone see themselves in a different light and allow themselves to feel the feels but not wallowing it.
33:51.224 --> 33:57.466
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe that's part of the whole ripple effect of how we connect with each other.
33:57.486 --> 33:58.847
[SPEAKER_00]: That makes sense.
33:59.107 --> 33:59.507
[SPEAKER_01]: It does.
33:59.727 --> 34:05.429
[SPEAKER_01]: And maybe, you know, a soul has gone through their life review and said, wow, I wish I had done that differently.
34:05.549 --> 34:17.872
[SPEAKER_01]: And maybe they choose in the next life by their own choice that that would be all experience some of the, you know, negative things that, um, I created in a former life and maybe that'll make me understand.
34:18.292 --> 34:19.112
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want that.
34:19.413 --> 34:21.313
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not thinking, oh, that's your karma.
34:21.353 --> 34:22.353
[SPEAKER_01]: You're your punishment.
34:22.793 --> 34:23.934
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying that at all.
34:24.394 --> 34:25.574
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just suggesting
34:28.867 --> 34:34.848
[SPEAKER_01]: um, someone might be going through things, um, maybe it's because they just want to really feel things.
34:35.508 --> 34:43.950
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, you know, being on that perfect, beautiful, other side, you know, people say, well, why would you ever want to come to earth and experience it?
34:43.990 --> 34:51.472
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, because when you're on that beautiful other side, you know that this is just a blink of an eye down here, this life experience.
34:51.932 --> 34:55.812
[SPEAKER_01]: And you want to be able to feel things, touch things, experience things,
34:59.186 --> 35:03.552
[SPEAKER_01]: And watch what's going on, but you can't feel it, touch it, experience it.
35:03.893 --> 35:13.988
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you can see somebody touching a stove and they say, Ouch, that's hot, but, and tell you, feel it yourself, you know, you don't know what that
35:14.592 --> 35:16.073
[SPEAKER_01]: sensation is.
35:16.893 --> 35:19.835
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, yeah, I want to go down there and feel what that hot stove is like.
35:19.855 --> 35:21.996
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when you do you go, I didn't want to feel that.
35:22.036 --> 35:24.637
[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't feel that hurt.
35:24.978 --> 35:27.679
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not a good sensation.
35:27.699 --> 35:30.040
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I agreed to do that.
35:30.460 --> 35:30.781
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
35:31.161 --> 35:36.804
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do appreciate you saying that about not knowing why and not, you know,
35:37.184 --> 35:42.306
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, yeah, it could be karma, but it's not anything that we're supposed to know, right?
35:42.326 --> 35:59.112
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the beauty and the mystery of this human experience is the unknown and the getting to have these beautiful miraculous, sorrowful, exciting and devastating moments in our lives.
35:59.852 --> 36:06.455
[SPEAKER_01]: So a lot of it is maybe I want to go down and help so many people because that'll raise my
36:07.315 --> 36:30.329
[SPEAKER_01]: spiritual level of knowing and experiencing so that maybe I can someday be a spirit guide because I've experienced these things myself and I can help so many people because as a soul that's my complete goal and my journey is to help so many people and I can do that if I know what cancer feels like.
36:30.972 --> 36:43.620
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, what being raped feels like I know what all these things feel like and the only way I can do that is to actually go down to earth and experience these things.
36:44.201 --> 36:49.064
[SPEAKER_01]: That feels right to me and heels right to my soul.
36:49.544 --> 37:00.311
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not because I was this horrible soul, I've lives ago, but yes, I want to experience these things because I want to help people.
37:01.094 --> 37:04.115
[SPEAKER_01]: And my ultimate goal is to be an angel.
37:04.655 --> 37:08.137
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you can get yourself to that level or to be a fair guy.
37:08.617 --> 37:10.297
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, with my choice.
37:10.597 --> 37:15.859
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I could say what I wanted to do, if it's possible, I would love to be a fair guy.
37:16.560 --> 37:18.220
[SPEAKER_01]: I think you absolutely could do that.
37:18.480 --> 37:23.022
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, to sit there up there in that beautiful, higher consciousness,
37:24.112 --> 37:27.093
[SPEAKER_01]: And sit up there and go, okay, Jamie, are you listening to me?
37:27.513 --> 37:29.714
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, turn right instead of left, you know?
37:29.734 --> 37:31.555
[SPEAKER_01]: I just don't want to do that, you know?
37:31.615 --> 37:34.676
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're listening, you know, this would be a great thing for your soul to do.
37:34.776 --> 37:35.896
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love that job.
37:36.517 --> 37:37.437
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, you'd be great at it.
37:37.457 --> 37:38.157
[SPEAKER_01]: You'd be great at it.
37:38.637 --> 37:51.382
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe he's higher vibrational souls are saying, I want to experience that awfulness on earth, so that I can be at a higher place helping other people.
37:53.113 --> 37:54.898
[SPEAKER_01]: That's proud to see you all right to me.
37:55.540 --> 37:55.820
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
37:56.542 --> 37:56.883
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
37:57.405 --> 37:57.625
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
37:57.866 --> 37:58.187
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
37:58.601 --> 38:00.742
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I say is true, because that's what I want.
38:01.502 --> 38:04.104
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, I think it's what it is, right?
38:04.124 --> 38:13.108
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that's something that your intuition is telling you is real and true, and that's beautiful, and it's possible.
38:13.728 --> 38:14.749
[SPEAKER_00]: Anything is possible.
38:14.769 --> 38:15.909
[SPEAKER_00]: Anything possible?
38:16.309 --> 38:19.811
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, again, you and I have been through the impossible.
38:20.571 --> 38:23.433
[SPEAKER_00]: We have and come out with possible, with possible.
38:23.673 --> 38:24.193
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think.
38:24.613 --> 38:43.552
[SPEAKER_00]: you writing a book by the way and tell me the thing fitting in because it's called should of seen that coming and it's just subtotal is should of like S. H. O. U. L. D. apostrophe V. E. Should of seen that coming navigating the in between moments of acceptance surrender and resilience.
38:44.033 --> 38:44.253
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
38:44.493 --> 38:46.275
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I've got my copy on the way.
38:46.856 --> 38:51.537
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I'm ready yet but I'm definitely going to and it is on audible.
38:51.557 --> 39:10.602
[SPEAKER_00]: I was able to narrate it myself, which with some help obviously because I can't read a script or a book physically so I had a good friend of mine sit in the studio and she we were there for five days and we recorded five hours a day and she would read me a line or a sentence and I would
39:14.943 --> 39:15.764
[SPEAKER_00]: That's awesome.
39:16.124 --> 39:17.206
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's awesome.
39:17.786 --> 39:19.508
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's great.
39:19.969 --> 39:26.195
[SPEAKER_01]: So now we're pretty much at a time unfortunately, but you also are a podcaster.
39:26.716 --> 39:28.858
[SPEAKER_01]: So the name of your podcast is
39:30.226 --> 39:30.866
[SPEAKER_00]: Should have seen that coming.
39:30.906 --> 39:32.447
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's called that my higher.
39:32.467 --> 39:32.827
[SPEAKER_01]: Sorry.
39:32.907 --> 39:37.308
[SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't think I was like, what is it called by higher self has questions?
39:37.948 --> 39:38.288
[SPEAKER_01]: Great.
39:39.308 --> 39:42.309
[SPEAKER_01]: And people can find that on all the platforms.
39:42.329 --> 39:44.889
[SPEAKER_00]: Spotify, Apple, YouTube.
39:45.309 --> 39:47.830
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we record video and audio as well.
39:48.170 --> 39:48.510
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
39:48.530 --> 39:49.470
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's also on YouTube.
39:50.030 --> 39:50.330
[SPEAKER_01]: Correct.
39:50.350 --> 39:50.550
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
39:50.850 --> 39:51.610
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
39:51.630 --> 39:51.770
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
39:51.790 --> 39:51.910
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
39:51.930 --> 39:52.171
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
39:52.231 --> 39:52.491
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
39:52.851 --> 39:54.571
[SPEAKER_01]: And you have a website.
39:55.291 --> 39:55.831
[SPEAKER_00]: I do.
39:55.951 --> 39:58.912
[SPEAKER_00]: It is Jamie Estelle Roth.com.
39:59.712 --> 39:59.973
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
40:00.013 --> 40:01.074
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, let's spell that out.
40:01.134 --> 40:03.036
[SPEAKER_01]: Jamie is J-A-M-I-E.
40:03.557 --> 40:04.618
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, Estelle.
40:04.779 --> 40:06.841
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, T-E-L-L-E.
40:07.282 --> 40:07.582
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
40:08.223 --> 40:10.846
[SPEAKER_01]: Roth is R-O-T-H.
40:11.387 --> 40:11.807
[SPEAKER_01]: Correct.
40:12.128 --> 40:13.169
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, dot com.
40:13.630 --> 40:13.910
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
40:14.130 --> 40:14.391
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
40:14.611 --> 40:17.314
[SPEAKER_01]: That's easy to know how to find you because I absolutely will.
40:17.494 --> 40:17.875
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
40:18.528 --> 40:24.211
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it has been wonderful having you on and I think it'll make people have a lot of questions.
40:24.291 --> 40:36.956
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe somebody's mad at me to say, it's okay if you have something awful happened to you, but yeah, I think it's what you do with what happens to you in life, whether you get fired from a job or you have your head explode like me.
40:37.517 --> 40:39.237
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, or leisure I sight like me.
40:39.477 --> 40:39.958
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
40:40.258 --> 40:44.139
[SPEAKER_01]: It's this deal with it because things do happen to good people and
40:45.680 --> 41:11.838
[SPEAKER_00]: really it's how we deal with it that matters and yeah and I think too if you if you truly listen to your higher self your spirit they will never lead you wrong and they're constantly whispering and sharing guidance to you and for you so it's listening and then seeing what's right in front of you yeah and it's not a punishment it's not a punishment it's a gift.
41:12.925 --> 41:14.366
[SPEAKER_01]: It can be very much.
41:14.606 --> 41:15.167
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd give.
41:15.647 --> 41:18.188
[SPEAKER_01]: It can be so, again, it's a sense.
41:18.348 --> 41:22.131
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, it's not, but it sounds true.
41:22.451 --> 41:25.132
[SPEAKER_01]: But you have turned it into a gift.
41:25.372 --> 41:27.394
[SPEAKER_01]: I've turned mine into a gift.
41:27.654 --> 41:29.395
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad it happened.
41:29.415 --> 41:32.036
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it took me to the funny farm, but I'm glad it.
41:32.136 --> 41:32.997
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, to me.
41:33.077 --> 41:37.199
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, you have, unfortunately, it has to be experienced through truly understand it.
41:37.860 --> 41:41.662
[SPEAKER_00]: And like I said, it could be anything from having your brain exposed.
41:41.802 --> 41:47.665
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I come to losing your eyesight to, you know, finding out your outfit has a hole in it.
41:47.925 --> 41:49.766
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it doesn't matter.
41:49.926 --> 41:53.828
[SPEAKER_00]: It's whatever you decide in your brain needs to change.
41:54.528 --> 41:57.129
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, even with that.
41:57.309 --> 42:04.612
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it doesn't matter what it is, how you deal with it is what the universe is looking for.
42:06.056 --> 42:07.177
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, absolutely.
42:07.598 --> 42:08.919
[SPEAKER_01]: So reactions to everything.
42:08.959 --> 42:13.044
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep, deal with it with compassion, love, and joy, 100%.
42:13.544 --> 42:15.366
[SPEAKER_01]: And you'll be on the right side.
42:15.386 --> 42:17.368
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, pretty up, absolutely.
42:17.669 --> 42:18.129
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
42:18.149 --> 42:19.150
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, thank you for that.
42:19.170 --> 42:19.731
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks, Kat.
42:20.071 --> 42:21.333
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been pretty wonderful.
